How to be THAT Guy
The world is doomed, and here’s another addition to it.
The gentlemen in authority have little secrets tied to their crotch. In their defence, women are already insignificant in this happy world. Men must live, love, lust, and laugh.
All the evidence can burn itself up, all the identities can be redacted. Every ounce of shame builds and boosts the ego. And when every finger points to you, remember the golden rule: believe in yourself. You were never wrong. Loving is never wrong. Peace is never wrong. Clearing out people who claim land through labour is never wrong. You survive on superiority. Wasn’t this rule established in 230 BCE? Humans have disrupted the natural system.
Whoever has the power will survive.
And so, we will continue to roar, march forward!
You know when a book really connects with you? You see objects, people, ideologies and scenery, and every view reflects your favourite piece of art. It stains everything you experience, and speaks to you. The quotes you cannot stop announcing, the story on loop in your mind. That’s when you know art has been consumed to its potential.
Art and literature often comfort the disturbed, and disturb the comforted. An uncomfortable example of this phrase is Lolita (1954), a middle-aged man obsessed with a 12-year-old girl, mixing clever writing with absurd behaviour, often mistaken for romance, or is it? How impactful that must be for a middle aged man to read. It has been a center of criticism, praise, and misinterpretation. The romanticism of older men has led to a new wave of adoration for the dynamic. The relation that was once looked down upon was being idealized. When a man reads it as validation, rather than common critique, you’re being held accountable, is this you? People question, internet trolls do what they do best–behave like cowards behind their screens. Their rage is jealousy. Just when you see your deeds out in the open, just know you’ve made it. It’s your world, and you’re the man!
Chapter 01: Friendship
A friend in need is a friend indeed!
You are friends with a teacher-turned-financier. Amassing a fortune, giving you stability—you chill with him in his mansions, enjoy his wannabe Gatsby parties and get blitzed by his diamonds. There goes the nights with blinding lights, and the money showered by his billionaire friends. People from all around the world. The soirée that surpasses anything else—across the earthly realms becoming heaven or hell—you decide.
Being friends with a millionaire, and on the way to become an equivalent man of power. Power is not borrowed, it is permanent and indefinite. The path is straight.
Chapter 02: Be a Kind Billionaire
It's hard being rich in this world and still having a heart to give. All along the way, you won’t realise when your hands gave up on healing and comforting; from hating on them to being one of them. Compassion and contempt inter-change their control. But trust me, once you sit on that throne, no ideal will tempt you anymore.
Believing in yourself is the key step you mustn’t forget.
Help out young girls. You know in this world, girls are born into an existing gap, let them travel over the globe, explore the world at a young age. People will accuse you; which brings in another knot-worthy tip—there is a difference that separates you from the masks in the crowd. The reason lies in that difference—why you reign and they don’t. Strive on hunger, on pettiness and the scowl-worthy skin of a predator.
Chapter 03: Create a Scene
Attention is currency. Be a treat for all the hungry eyes! When you’re in the center of attention, make sure to give them something to look at. A bit of your ego, confidence, and sometimes a peek into your world. Much of the chaos created is meant to distract from your scandals. So remain focused on the chaos!
Following the steps carefully can add to your aura the dignified tag of a “terrific guy” and “highly successful financier” by your associates. You will still be relevant, respected and redeemable.
This scene might require you to contradict your words, sometimes sit in your own vomit and contemplate a way to teleport. A plane on the way, but till then the flashing lights and mob must be answered. Strangle them in their own words, or just don’t answer. Move away and work, you're busy! Important men always are.
Chapter 04: Release of Epstein Files
Somewhere along the way, you have to face your reflection—the mirror is stained and so is your reputation. Maintain your stance, and be the intelligent man you are!
The disgusting disaster uncovered! Epstein Files—what happened behind the cameras, amidst the crowd, was never to be out in the sun. Many big names of your kin in it—your name is on the line.
Several pictures of young girls with quotes from the 1950s book on their bodies. You were always an ironic person, by which you meant to deliver a message–an irony back to society. Mock the sensitive, and trigger the suppressed. Oh how helpless they look–the poor expression of frustration and anger. Their emotions are of no use.
These young girls were there, and there is no way out once you get captured. You become a part of the clan.
‘Victims!’ they say.
“Exaggeration”, “The culprits will be revealed” you say.
These lines serve as an irony—how terribly society failed to get the cynicism and mockery with which the book was written. You, the ringmaster of it all–Jeffrey Epstein–seem to use the book as a mantra of your own, with every next action having a sorcerous connection to Lolita. The “horrific” tales of Lolita seemed to be something that you live & breathe by, publicly advertising to those around you. The files will contain big names — presidents, philanthropists, and billionaire CEOs. And the revolting comments, petitions, and name tags will have the common name—of that of your mailman, Andy. They can go about their boring routine, as you smile, wave and board another plane.
It is no big deal to lean into acts that seem impure and unethical. The first step to become that guy is to step on the difference of being virtuous on the path of depravity. It is trendy to love whoever you want. Young girls from all over the world at your feet—thanks to your friend you made in chapter 01. He manages, solves and expands. Sexualizing pre-teen girls, trafficking and seeing this relation as an ideal to be propagated. You’ll realise the Epstein Files came out as a testament of the rich and powerful–you–getting away with heinous crimes in your pockets.
All done, all forgiven.
Chapter 05: Redacted
Yes, we live in a digital world. There will be a million questions, and only one question will matter. Do you give up? You didn’t when your name was raised in public discussions as a sex offender, predator, and a madman. Simple allegations, and leaked evidence cannot rule you out. Here, you rule out people. You are the dignified role model millions look up to. A million by million—your supporters will take care of them. To gain more, lose theatrically—play a part, pretend you’re on the dumber side. But always be ahead of the million names that don’t matter.
Here lies the aspirations of the fourteen, sixteen and seventeen-year-old girls.
Here lies the lives compromised and the wealth dignified.
The names you promised will be out – just redacted.
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The world wants a show, you give it to them. You are innocent, and now the world sees it too because .......
Yes! you are clear of allegations, it is easy to clear out your name from one of the biggest sexual abuse cases in history. Learn to maneouvre. There is no greater sin than admitting defeat, there is no greater crime than reacting.
Your life is a scandal they will forgive, a crime they will normalize.
Now you know how to be THAT guy?
Be sick, scandalous and spectacular!
About the Author
Hannah Maria Jess
Hannah Maria Jess is an Economics major and a writer exploring the duality of data and words, binding solitude and connection. Her work often balances her realist mind with her dreamer heart. Writing is her solace — detangling the knots of tension in her daily life while helping her make sense of the peculiarities she observes in people, places, and patterns. Inspired equally by music, films, and fleeting moments. She measures her mood in playlists and seasons in cinema — meaning she always has a song ready for every situation. Pretending Google Docs is a personality test and believing headphones, Spotify, and a messy diary full of odd metaphors are her true essentials. Currently, pursuing Economics while deeply engaged in literature Hannah serves as the editor-in-chief of the college magazine. She is developing her craft by publishing her works in several chronicles. Moreover, she enjoys publicly speaking - an extension of her childhood love for being on stage.